Big Feelings

I learned to suppress my feelings early. 

I come from the 'children are to be seen and not heard'

and 'I'll give you something to cry about' generation.

Some feelings were okay, but big messy feelings were not allowed.

The core emotions I felt as a child - sadness, fear, loneliness - stemmed from unprocessed grief around losing my mother when I was 18 months old.

I didn't know how to process this, so I eventually disconnected from my tenderness and toughened up.

My heartbreak came through as a steady sense of disappointment.

I was also deeply insecure, clumsy and awkward.

I wanted to fit in desperately, but never felt like I did.

I learned to be self-reliant, busy, hyper-vigilant and a loner.

At around age 13, I discovered cigarettes.

They soothed me.

That glorious inhale stuffed all the big messy feelings down.

And, ironically, I felt like I could breathe again.

This may sound strange, but I believe cigarettes saved my life.

The habit of smoking bought me time to gain understanding of my

deeper sensitivities and my passion for truth, justice and equality.

Like any addiction, it was a complicated relationship.

Being a smoker became an immense source of shame for me. Today, through the grace of God, I am a non-smoker, but I miss it everyday. My last cigarette was on September 2, 2025 - when I went to the hospital and they found a tumor in my ovary.

US culture doesn't deal well with big feelings.

In fact, many of us are shamed by others for having them.We are called dramatic, too much, too sensitive, bleeding hearts, libtards.

100 years ago, living in survival mode, we didn't have the luxury of dealing with big feelings. This was meant to be in that part of our evolution.

And, it also cost us a great deal.

The suppression and denial of emotional trauma has resulted in complex layers of unconsciousness and psychosis. It brought unhealthy behaviors and patterns of dishonesty, neglect, abuse, infidelity, oppression, racism, sexism, greed, war, punitiveness, passive-aggressiveness and more.

Thankfully, we are evolving.

Healing is a process that takes time, courage and devotion.

But it is worth it.

We are worthy of the gift of wholeness.

It can be painful to open up to big feelings.But everything, especially you... is more alive and expansive when we dare to tune in and turn on our heart light again. 

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The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.



A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

I love you

~ Teri Jo

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Song 4 You: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

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The ORGANIZED Corner

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