Fat, Ugly & Abandoned
- Jun 1
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 26
I am feeling fat, ugly and abandoned.
It's not a fleeting feeling. It runs deep. As painful and dark as this feels…
part of me knows it is necessary terrain I must sit in, face and feel. Ugh.
The weight is something that creeped on over time.I blame yoga pants for not noticing at first. I wasn't eating or doing things differently than I had the first 40 years of my life. Doctors never mentioned ways to navigate menopause or weight gain, other than saying 'eat less, move more'... which felt vague and unhelpful given my habits had not changed.
What is most upsetting is that nothing I do is helping me lose the weight. Not one pound has been lost. I feel heavy and continually discouraged.
Recently, I felt fat-shamed by three significant people in my life. When I pointed out how their comments made me feel, they denied it was shaming, and then, they ghosted me. While, yes, I am extra sensitive about this, I'm going to speak up when something feels hurtful. 'Eat less, move more' comments are not helpful. It feels judgy and insulting. We look in the mirror everyday. We see our bodies. It is no one else's place to comment on them or our weight.
These experiences deeply hurt me.
Seeing through the spiritual psychology lens, there is a growth opportunity here. The outer is always a reflection of our internal world. Somewhere inside I am being hard on myself, judging and criticizing, thinking something is wrong with me, that I did this to myself, so I need to fix it, or I am a failure.
What I know is my body is highly inflamed. Looking around, we can see people are more disconnected, screen-addicted, agitated and cold-hearted... to numb and distract. Or they are seeing and feeling what is happening, and they are in survival and overwhelm.
My body is literally holding on for dear life.
Now, on to abandonment.
It is my core wound, and I am in the thick of it.It is so painful I don't want to talk about it,
but this too is meant to be happening.
All that is not real is being stripped away.All I am attached to must shake loose.
All that I have built up must fall.
So I am sitting here, letting a crowd of sorrows sweep my house empty. Everything I ever thought about myself is in question.If the outer is a reflection of the inner...
Have I ever truly been lovable?
Has all of this been an act?
Does any of it matter?
Who am I without all my good vibes, you-can-do-it’s, and enthusiasm?
Who am I without lofty visions and clever ways to change the world?
Who am I without meaningful work and service and purpose?
In the meantime... I'll go back to lofty visions, lol
because even though I'm in darkness, a spark of light is here.
Our hearts know...
A more beautiful world is possible. We came here to bring this new world.Let's vision of a world that works for everyone.
A world of awakened, loving, compassionate siblings.A world where war, hierarchy and competition are no more.A world overflowing with kindness, equity, diversity and inclusion.
A world where we all know our place and value in the whole soul family.A world where honesty, integrity, vulnerability, sharing and caring lead the way.
Be gentle and kind with adorable you.
Let me know how you are.
I love hearing from you.
In loving,
Teri Jo
Quote by Ram Dass
Bearing the unbearable is the deepest root of compassion in the world.
When you bear what you think you cannot bear, who you think you are dies.
You become compassion.
You don’t have compassion.
You are compassion.
True compassion goes beyond empathy to being with the experience of another.
You become an instrument of compassion.
Movie 4 You: Michael
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